Songfic Musings
by Partners In Fanfic
Summary: A collection of drabbles based on songs that pop into my head, as said in the title. Reviews are welcome!
1. If You Only Knew

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS, NOR THE SONG. ALL RIGHTS TO THE ARTIST. **_

**SUMMARY: **This is going to be a series of drabbles based on songs. Some humor, some not. Eventually I'll be writing about all of the characters.

_Dear Readers,_

_This is going to be a place for all of my songfics that I think of. I don't know how often I'll update, but I'll try to as often as I can. I needed to get this one out of my head, so yeah...We'll see when I update next. Read and enjoy!! =D_

_Yours in fanfic,_

_EAJP  
_

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If You Only Knew – Shinedown**_

_If you only knew  
I'm hanging by a thread  
The web I spin for you  
If you only knew  
I'd sacrifice my beating  
Heart before I lose you  
I still hold onto the letters  
You returned  
I swear I've lived and learned_

Contrary to popular opinion, Leroy Jethro Gibbs wasn't always found in his basement, sanding away at his perpetually unfinished boat. Actually, he used to be quite different from the gloomy man he became.

Gibbs knew this, too. As he stared at the amber liquid swirling around in his nail jar, he thought of everything he would love to tell Jen. Of course, he never said any of it out loud, or dared to even think of it outside the comfort of the four dark walls of his basement.

He'd jump in front of a bullet and take it right to the heart for her. Hell, he'd rip his heart right out of his chest if he knew it would help her in some way. Of course, he never tells her that, because he suspects she already knows.

He knew Jen helped him live. He never felt like he did when he was around Jen, even to this day. But she also helped him learn – learn that some things are too good to be true, even though he already suspected it.

He glanced at the letters sitting on the counter in front of them, and resisted the urge to reach out and read them. Instead, he settled for taking another long sip of his bourbon.

_It's 4:03 and I can't sleep  
Without you next to me I  
Toss and turn like the sea  
If I drown tonight, bring me  
Back to life  
Breathe your breath in me  
The only thing that I still believe  
In is you, if you only knew_

Also contrary to popular opinion, Gibbs didn't always fall asleep brooding under his half-finished boat with the farm report playing in the background, either. No, he used to love sleeping on a soft bed at the end of the night, and not always for the reasons you think.

It started with Shannon. He loved knowing that, when he was home on leave, he would be able to collapse onto a comfortable surface and hold onto Shannon. It felt nice for him to be able to hold her and know that she was safe.

Of course, after she died, he went to his basement and began to live down there. The upstairs held too many memories for him, and with her not there, there wasn't much to focus on – except the boat and the bourbon. After he killed her killer, he needed a new obsession – and the boat just happened to be there waiting. Even if everyone else in his life came and went, he knew the boat and the bourbon would be there faithfully waiting for him at the end of every day.

Three other wives came and went, but he never wanted to sleep in a bed like he did when he was with Jen. She made him sleep in the bed – she never did approve of him staying up all hours of the night – and to be truthful, he liked it. He liked holding onto her just like he did with Shannon.

After she left him, he tried sleeping in a bed for awhile, but he'd always end up tossing and turning, trying to chase away the nightmares that plagued him. Finally, he learned that he shouldn't even try, and just stayed in the basement to begin with.

Every once in awhile he gathers up enough courage to go over to Jen's house and have a glass of bourbon. He always hides behind various work-related reasons, but both of them know the real reason he shows up unannounced. Even though he doesn't realize it, Jen likes it when he shows up, too. Of course, she'll never tell him that, because after all, she gave him up a long time ago.

He stood up and backed away from the counter, picking up a sander along the way. As he began to sand his boat, he wished he could tell Jen just how much she affects his life, but of course he never will. Wishing is for fools, and Leroy Jethro Gibbs is no fool – he might think he used to be, and he never makes the same mistake twice.

_If you only knew  
How many times I counted  
All the words that wen't wrong  
If you only knew  
How I refuse to let you go,  
Even when you're gone  
I don't regret any days I  
Spent, nights we shared,  
Or letters that I sent_

Another fact contrary to popular opinion is that Gibbs is never wrong. Gibbs always cringes when he hears Tony say that Gibbs' gut is never wrong – if only Tony knew how many times he'd been wrong in the past.

Almost every night, Gibbs replays every fight with Jen over in his head. He can remember every detail, every look of hurt in her eyes as a result of his harsh words. Every night he wishes he can apologize, but of course he can't – breaking one of his own rules would look even worse than when Dinozzo broke them.

He's never going to let her go, though. He knows that, too. Life might take them in two different directions, but he knows he'll find some way to follow her to the end of the earth.

He doesn't regret anything with her, either. He doesn't regret writing any of the half-finished letters he began to write but then thought better of, our any of the nights he spends staring at old pictures of their days in Paris, or hell, the nights in Paris themselves.

Sighing aloud, Gibbs put his sander down and walked back over to his bourbon. Taking another long sip, he picked up the letter on the counter and gently unfolded it.

_Dear Jethro,_

He only ever got to those words before he set it down and let one single tear escape down his face. It happened every night, never fail. He'd open the letter, read the first two lines, and then put it back in his drawer. He escaped to the confines of the shell of his boat and closed his eyes, waiting for the morning to come and another day to get through. If she only knew.

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**Did you like it? Should I write more song-based fics? Lemme know. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!!!**


	2. Need You Now

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS, NOR DO I OWN THIS SONG. ALL RIGHTS TO THE ARTIST.**_

_EAJP here. This one is kind of sad, but it has a happy ending. Anyway, I hope you guys like it. I haven't been getting many reviews, so I don't know how much I'll update..I have other stories that people seem to like more. Never fear though, I WILL UPDATE THIS! Alright, that aside, read and enjoy =D_

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Need You Now – Lady Antebellum**_

_Picture perfect memories scattered all around the floor  
Reachin for the phone cause I can't fight it anymore  
And I wonder if I ever crossed your mind  
For me it happens all the time_

He sighed. Again. Friday night, and for once, Anthony Dinozzo wasn't going out to a bar. No, he was staying home tonight because he just couldn't bring himself to go out.

Pictures were laying around him everywhere. Not just any pictures, pictures of the team – Ziva, most importantly. One by one he picked them up, glancing at the memories each of them held. There was a picture of Ziva at a Christmas party and another one of her at Abby's place for the Superbowl, all decked out in her football attire. In each picture, Ziva had a slight smile on her face – the one Tony loved to see the most.

Tony set the last of the pictures on the ground and reached for his cell phone. Holding it in his hand, it felt like a brick. He wondered if Ziva ever thought about him outside of work. He'd never tell anyone, but sometimes she's the only thing he can think about at night. She consumes him, and to be truthful, he couldn't care less.

Staring at the phone again, he threw it against the sofa opposite him. He's not going to give into his urge yet – yet.

_It's a quarter after one, I'm all alone and I need you now  
Said I wouldn't call but I lost all control and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now_

Tony woke up, still sitting on the floor. He glanced at the clock on the wall – one fifteen. He didn't even remember falling asleep. Right away, his mind shot to Ziva. Later on, he'd blame it on the fact that she just got back from Somalia and barely said two words to him. But for now, he knew the real reason was that he was sorry. Sorry for everything.

Going to save Ziva was the best thing he did in his life, of that he was sure. Even if she hated him, even if she thought he was stupid for risking his life, he didn't care. He could never regret saving her.

Standing up and stretching a little, he walked to where he threw his phone. Picking it up, he flipped it open, fingers poised over the buttons. He wanted to call her, but he couldn't bring himself to.

In his mind, Tony blamed his lack of courage on many other things. Ziva wouldn't appreciate a call this late. She'd yell at him and hate him even more. Sighing, he set the phone down and resisted the urge yet again.

_Another shot of whiskey can't stop looking at the door  
Wishing you'd come sweeping in the way you did before  
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind  
For me it happens all the time_

Tony padded to the kitchen and grabbed a glass he assumed was clean. Setting in on the countertop, he reached into the cabinet that housed his liquor and grabbed his bottle of whiskey. He wasn't sure why he was drinking, but he was sick of resisting urges, so he poured himself a glass and sat down.

Glancing at the door, he closed his eyes and counted to three, hoping that when he opened them there might be a knock at the door. When he opened his eyes, he was disappointed not to hear anything, even though in the back of his mind he knew there wouldn't be a knock.

He smiled a little into his glass. Even though she wasn't _here_, Tony still had his memories. After every case, Ziva would come over to his house and they would eat pizza, drink beer, and watch a movie – of her choosing, of course. Tony would spend all night laughing with her, dodging her various threats of bodily harm for laughing at her, and correcting her idioms. He loved those times when she let her guard down, if only for a minute. Now all he got was a cold glare from her every so often.

Still, she was in Washington, D.C., and knowing that fact made Tony smile a little more as he took a sip of his drink, and once again picked up his phone – only to set it down again.

_Guess I'd rather hurt than feel nothin at all  
It's a quarter after one I'm all alone and I need you now  
And I said I wouldn't call but I'm a little drunk and I need you now  
And I don't know how I can do without  
I just need you now  
I just need you now_

Two drinks later, Tony was back in his living room, picking up the pictures. _At least she's safe,_ he kept repeating to himself over and over. He'd rather die of a broken heart than die from feeling nothing at all.

When Ziva left, he couldn't think straight. Everything was a blur to him, even the most exciting of cases. Even Gibbs' headslaps couldn't knock him out of his stupor. Then she came back – mad at him for everything – but she came back nonetheless. Just being able to see her was enough to get him through his pain.

The alcohol took over his head, clouded his judgments, and made his limbs work against him. Soon enough, he found his legs carrying himself back to the kitchen counter where his phone was resting patiently, taunting him and daring him to call her.

He found his hand reaching out to grab the phone and before he could even process what he was doing, he flipped open the phone and dialed her number.

Figuring he couldn't hang up now that he started the call (that would make him an even bigger jerk than he was before), he put the phone to his ear and prayed for the best.

_"Hello?" _ Ziva's voice drifted through the speaker into his ear, making him almost hang up right then. She didn't sound the least bit tired.

"Um, hi Ziva," Tony said tentatively, thinking she was with someone, unlike him.

"_Tony. What is wrong? Do we have a case?"_ Ziva asked. He could practically hear her poker face through the phone.

"Uhm, no. I was, well, I couldn't sleep, so I was wondering if maybe I could stop by," Tony replied, trying not to sound too desperate or drunk, even though he knew the alcohol was seeping into his voice.

"_No, Tony, you cannot,_" Ziva replied, making his heart rise to his throat and drop to his stomach in the matter of seconds. "_I am already standing in front of your door."_

Tony stared in disbelief at his front door. Hanging up the phone and throwing it on the counter as if the place were on fire, he ran to the door faster than he had ever moved in his life. He needed her, and no damned door was going to stand in his way now.

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**Did ya like it? I'll never know if you don't review. It doesn't have to be long, but it's the thought that counts to me =D**


	3. Smile

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS, OR THIS SONG. ALL RIGHTS TO THE PRODUCERS/WRITERS AND ARTIST, RESPECTIVELY. **_

_EAJP here. Alright, so this song has been playing on the radio for days, and I figured the only way to get it out of my head was to write about it. This is probably the fluffiest I've ever gotten in terms of 'cute.' So yeah, uncharted territory. Read and enjoy!_

****JIBBS! Major Jibbs in this chapter. Hope ya'll are fans. =D****

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Smile**_** – Uncle Kracker**

_You´re better then the best  
I´m lucky just to linger in your life  
Cooler then the flip side of my pillow that´s right  
Completely unaware  
Nothing can compare to where you send me  
Lets me know that it´s ok yeah it´s ok  
And the moments where my good times start to fade_

Leroy Jethro Gibbs never considered himself lucky. He prided himself on many things: strength, assertiveness, his respected reputation – but not lucky. He had horrible luck with women – his first wife, and the only one he loved, died, and the next three wives were, well, a little overbearing. He was always unlucky enough to get stuck dealing with the FBI, CIA, or anyone that knew how to get on his nerves, and he always had a habit of making people pissed off to the point where they shot at him. None of these things made him lucky – at all whatsoever.

Then, there came along Jen. She is perfection, at least to him, and perfection constitutes luck in his book. She can't do anything wrong. Even when she messes up, which is seldom, she catches herself and makes it look like it was all part of the plan. Even he's sometimes not that good, and that's saying something.

Sometimes Gibbs wonders if Jen knows just how much she affects him. Everything she does never goes unnoticed by him – even the slightest actions. Just one smile from her can completely change the course of his day. Sometimes, she's even spared Dinozzo from a few extra headslaps, but neither Jen nor Dinozzo know that.

Gibbs shook his head as he took the food he was cooking off the stove and turned to set it in front of Jen. If she made him the luckiest man in the world, the least he could do is cook for her.

_You make me smile like the sun  
Fall out of bed sing like a bird  
Dizzy in my head spin like a record  
Crazy on a Sunday night  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild  
Ohh you make me smile_

There aren't many people that can claim they can boss the "Boss Man" around. Heck, Gibbs prides himself on that fact that no one tells him what to do – no one except Jennifer Sheppard.

"Jethro, stop frowning," Jen said in a stern tone. Gibbs immediately obliged, and even gave her a smile.

She didn't need to tell him to smile. Every time he was around her he always ended up with the evanescent smile on his face. Sometimes he even found himself laughing with her – her happiness was just that contagious, at least to him.

Gibbs knows Jen could make him walk into work with his underwear if she tried hard enough. She's gotten him to do things he'd never do. For example, one time, they were walking in the rain, and all of a sudden Jen felt like dancing. There wasn't a tune in the air, or even a sidewalk to safely dance on, but she wanted to dance. After much persistence, the mighty Jethro Gibbs found himself waltzing in the middle of the street – in the rain.

He also knows she can make him forget to breathe – and quite frankly, he thinks _she_ knows it too. It doesn't matter how it happens – sometimes it's because of the way her hair looks in a certain light, or because of the way her eyes unconsciously close when she laughs – but she can literally take his breath away.

To put it quite simply, she drives him wild. The mere thought of her can send him into an endless fit of memories, which in the end, always have him traveling up to her office or to MTAC just to make sure she's real. She knows just what to say and do to leave him wanting more – of whatever she's offering.

Gibbs smiled gently to himself, causing Jen to break the silence between them. "What are you smiling at?"

"Do I need a reason?" Gibbs replied simply. And to be truthful, when she was near him, he didn't need a reason at all.

_Even when you´re gone  
Somehow you come along  
Just like a flower poking through the sidewalk crack and just like that  
You steal away the rain and just like that_

Gibbs didn't particularly enjoy leaving Jen's side in MTAC during the day, but on the days he had cases and was forced to leave for more than coffee, she followed him wherever he went.

It didn't matter where he was – he could be in the slums of the nastiest neighborhood in Washington – but he always found something that reminded him of her. Certain flowers reminded him of her perfume, and anything that merely resembled the Eiffel Tower sent his mind straight to Paris. Even the toughest of cases can't keep the smirk from his lips when he sees these little reminders.

People may think that Gibbs is a mystery to be figured out, but he knows the bigger mystery is how Jen manages to appear right when things get to their worst. It never fails – he knows that when he starts to get angry enough, she'll pop out of MTAC, if only for a second, to see how the case is going. In reality, she just wants to make sure he's alright, and he loves that feeling.

"Hey!" He was startled out of his reverie when Jen snatched a piece of steak off his plate.

"That's what you get for ignoring me," she replied teasingly, popping the piece of steak into her mouth with a smirk.

Memories were one thing, but having her actually sitting across from him was a feeling memories just could not give.

_Don´t know how I lived without you  
Cuz everytime that I get around you  
I see the best of me inside your eyes  
You make me smile  
You make me dance like a fool  
Forget how to breathe  
Shine like gold buzz like a bee  
Just the thought of you can drive me wild_

Some days he wondered how he ever lived before she came. Compared to his life now, back then he really had no meaning to him other than work. Get up, go to work, catch a killer, go home, and repeat every twenty-four hours. Now, Jen throws in things that completely change his schedule, yet he doesn't mind.

At first he thought he would hate constantly being dragged out of his basement and into areas where there were actually people, but as she began to take him places more and more, he began to like it. Gibbs began to realize that she brought out the best of him. Sure, he liked playing the scary cop, but he also liked feeling human. Too many people have put him on a pedestal in the past. They've made him look untouchable. Being with Jen made him realize he didn't like that feeling as much as he thought he did.

Gibbs stood up, smirking, as he cleared the table. "I want to go to the park," Jen more or less demanded.

Gibbs half-turned toward her and raised a questioning eye. "Well, it's a nice day out, and we've been staying inside lately," she argued, acting as if he had said something in retort.

Shaking his head and still staying silent, he put the dishes in the sink and walked out of the room. He returned a moment later with his coat and her coat in his hand.

"Then let's go," he replied, leading her out the door and into the brisk air. She wanted to go to the park, and he'd be damned if he didn't take her, if only to maybe smile a little more today.

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**Alright, you read it...NOW REVIEW IT!! Seriously, I don't know how much time I should give to this fic if you guys don't review.**

**Any song suggestions?! Wanna song written about? Lemme know.  
**


	4. Someone Else's Star

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS, OR THIS SONG.**_

_EAJP here. Alright, this one took me awhile to get out because I couldn't find a song to match the mood. Finally I did, thanks to the inspiration of my awesome friend Shelby, who got me into country music. After all, country music seems to have a lot of good sad songs. Anyway, READ AND ENJOY._

**This chapter his for CUte-Addict, who suggested a sad, McGee-centric fic. Hope you enjoy!**

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Someone Else's Star **_**– Bryan White**

_Alone again tonight  
without someone to love  
The stars are shining bright  
So one more wish goes up  
Oh I wish I may  
And I wish with all my might  
For the love I'm dreamin of  
And missin in my life_

They always wonder why he writes.

McGee paced the property around his apartment complex, not yet ready to go inside after a long case. He had put his all into the case, as usual, but _as usual_, someone else quickly overshadowed his work.

Of course, he was alone. Ziva and Tony never invited him to drinks – it was _their _thing. Abby never invited him to go to her various clubs – it was _her_ thing. Ducky never invited him for a drink – that was _his_ thing. Gibbs never invited him to work on the boat – that was undeniably _his _thing.

Other than writing, McGee didn't have something of his own. He had his computer degrees, but Abby can basically do anything he can do, and that's about all he has – or so he thinks.

McGee always feels like he's missing something. No matter how well he does at work, how well he writes his book, something's always missing. Maybe it's the love that only Abby knew how to give him, he could never tell. The only thing he knew was that something big was missing.

Sighing, he glanced up at a particularly bright star and wished for a little more than he has. He knows it's childish, but no one can read his thoughts, and no one is even around – what would anyone even care? He knows it's pointless, since he wishes for the same thing all the time, and it never comes true. He also knows it's selfish – he has a bestselling book, and he lives comfortably – but he can't help but wish for a little more appreciation, a little more courage, a little more everything, than he already has.

And they always wonder why he writes.

_You'd think that I could find  
A true love of my own  
It happens all the time  
To people that I know  
Their wishes all come true  
So I've got to believe  
There's still someone out there  
Who was meant for only me_

They're angry that he writes.

McGee continued to pace, ignoring the cold seeping through his jacket. He didn't want to go inside. It was cramped in there, and although he liked his apartment, he just didn't want to be confined.

All he wanted to do was be a writer. Sure, he liked being an NCIS agent, but he loved being a writer – especially because he uses a pen name and no one really recognizes him. Writing allowed him to express himself, and he was ecstatic when his first book got published.

Then, Gibbs and the rest of his team found out. He hadn't wanted Sarah to mention it, but she did, and he thought they would be flattered. Oh how wrong he was. They seemed actually angry. He wasn't sure who was right in that argument, though – them or him.

They didn't realize it, but their disappointment and teasing took away his dream. The only thing he ever wanted just kind of crumbled around him.

It wasn't fair that everyone else was happy with what they had. It wasn't fair that Tony got to be his typical, goofy self every day, while he had to be whatever Gibbs, Abby, Tony, Director Sheppard, or anyone else wanted him to be. It wasn't fair – but he would never tell them that. After all, life isn't fair, and his is no exception, or so he thinks.

The only thing he really has left is hope. Hope and faith. He knows that, as long as he believes there's something out there that he can take pride in, and that there's someone out there that will see him for who he is, maybe one day he'll actually get what he's hoping for.

He can never seem to find the reason that they're angry that he writes.

_I guess I must be wishin on someone else's star  
It seems like someone else keeps gettin what I'm wishin for  
Why can't I be as lucky as those other people are  
I guess I must be wishin on someone else's star_

They think it's stupid that he writes.

Every night McGee wishes on a star, and every morning he wakes to find his dreams didn't magically come true – just as he always suspects.

He's not lucky. In fact, he's the polar opposite of lucky. He manages to mess up at every turn, and he never seems to truly please Gibbs. He got lucky when he published his book – but that just seemed to anger the people that he truly cared about in his life.

McGee suspects that maybe he's just wishing on someone else's star.

Maybe he's not meant to have love. He tried to with Abby, but rules come before relationships at NCIS. Sure, he'll always love her, but he's not so sure she could love him back.

Maybe he's not meant to be a writer. He knows his work could never compare with James Patterson, but he has people that really love his work. Although he continues to write for the sake of the series, the love isn't there like it was before his team, his family, found out and disapproved.

Maybe he's meant to be where he is. McGee always considers this in his more positive moods. Maybe his wishes don't come true because he's meant to do something great at NCIS. It might be taking awhile to achieve, but maybe he's working toward a larger goal. Maybe is the key word.

Why can't he be lucky like everyone else? Once in awhile they seem to win at something in life. Why can't that be him – at least once?

They can't possibly understand. That's why they think it's stupid that he writes.

_I sit here in the dark  
And stare up at the sky  
But I can't give my heart  
One good reason why  
Everywhere I look  
It's lovers that I see  
Seems like everyone's in love  
With everyone but me_

The always wonder why he writes.

McGee sat down on the bench in back of his apartment complex and exhaled a deep breath that he didn't know he was holding. Glancing up at the clear night sky, he got an overwhelming sense of loneliness.

Why was he always alone? The answer always seemed to elude him. He got girlfriends every once in awhile, but they were short-lived relationships. They had no meaning to them – no substance. It was merely being together for the sake of being together, not being together because they wanted to go somewhere together with their lives.

Yet, everywhere he looked, there was love. There were people in love with each other, people in love with what they do, people in love with life in general. How can those people possibly be so _happy_?

At first McGee thought he was missing some sort of scientific fact – something written on paper that everyone but him seemed to have read. Even Gibbs was happy with his life – he never smiled, but you could tell he was somewhat content. He couldn't understand why he was always the odd one out.

Maybe he was meant to be alone. Maybe he just needs to accept that fact. Maybe.

Then it struck him. Maybe he needed to take control of his life. Maybe he needed to do what he wanted, even if it wasn't always approved of. Maybe he needed to just be himself. Not maybe – definitely.

McGee stood up and headed toward the front of the building, back to his typewriter. It was time he stopped wishing on someone else's star, and began to create his own star to wish upon.

They always wonder why he writes. He'd never tell them why, but it's because, in his books, he always comes out on top.

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**Alright, you read it...NOW REVIEW IT!!! Seriously, not many reviews here.**

**Any suggestions? Lemme know.  
**


	5. I Love You I Do

_**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN NCIS, OR THIS SONG.**_

_EAJP here. Alright, so I tried something different and wrote in first person this time. I don't plan on doing that often, but this fit for the occasion. Anyway, this is TIVA from Ziva's point of view. It's not serious, but it's not the teasing, sexy TIVA everyone thinks about. I'm going to be writing about that soon...not next chapter...but the chapter after that? Anyway, read and enjoy!_

**This chapter is for Probieluvr, who suggested that. I hope you don't mind the song that I chose. Hope you enjoy it!!!**

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I Love You I Do (Perfect Man) **_**– Jennifer Hudson**

_**ZIVA'S POV**_

_Never met a man  
Quite like you  
Doing all you can  
Making my dreams come true_

_You're strong and you're smart  
You've taken my heart  
And I'll give you the rest of me too_

I have traveled all over the world, but to be honest, I have never met a man quite like Anthony Dinozzo Jr. From the moment I met him, I somehow knew that our whole relationship would be filled with teasing, taunting, care and compassion.

We may have started off on somewhat of the wrong hand – no foot (stupid idioms) – but I suspected that considering the circumstances. Once we got to know each other, though, I realized just what Tony really was – a true gentleman underneath the mask of a womanizing clown.

As time went on, I began to realize that there was not something Tony _would not do_ for me. Being trained in Mossad, I am not used to having people do things for me, but I actually do not mind Tony fawning over me. Actually, I am beginning to like it.

How can I describe Tony? He is strong, he is smart, he is charming – everything a typical woman would ever want in a man. But he is also, irritating, childish, and loud – three things I personally do not like, but I can handle it in him oddly enough.

Some would say he has taken my heart, although I do not see how that is physically possible. But there are rules, and rules are meant to be followed. Yet, there is a nagging little voice in the back of my head that keeps asking me:

_Do you love him?_

_I've never felt  
Quite like this  
Good about myself  
From my very first kiss  
I'm here when you call  
You've got it all  
And confidence like I never knew_

When I was captive in Somalia, I thought all hope was gone. I was, for once, ready to die. Then, Tony showed up. At first, I was angry at him for coming – I had prepared myself to die, to finally escape, and he shows up to mess things up. Then, he said six words that completely changed my outlook on life, "Guess I couldn't live without you."

I had never felt like that before in my life. I did not know what the feeling was at the time, but it was there. Maybe it was the feeling of being wanted and not forgotten – my brain could not process that at the time.

When I got back from Somalia, I figured it out. It took me some time, but I figured it out. I actually felt good about myself. I would have to say it came to me when Tony and I talked in the bathroom. The moment I kissed his cheek, I realized that I felt good about myself.

I guess his confidence is rubbing off on me. I'm even a little surer of myself when it comes to my English. I will never give him the satisfaction of knowing that though – we do not need him to be more pompous than he already is. But, to myself, I know that he gave me confidence like I never knew before – even in Mossad.

I know that I should not feel that way about him or acknowledge what he does to me, but that little voice still persists:

_Do you love him?_

_You've got a charm  
You simply disarm me every time  
As long as u drive  
I'm along for the ride  
Your the way  
I said it before  
There won't be a door  
That's closed to us  
I'm putting all my trust in you  
Cause you, you'll always be true, Oh_

Tony has a charm that no woman in her right mind could resist. One flash of his smile, and basically you are his. I even find that I can be captivated by him so much, I lose touch with the world around me. Mossad always taught me not to let feelings interfere, and I am sure NCIS is no different. I just cannot help the feeling I get.

I have come to find that as long as Tony takes the lead, I will happily follow him. Before, I did not trust – would not trust – him with my life. I was guarded, but all of a sudden, I found my guard slipping. At first it frightened me to a certain point, but then I gradually came to accept it.

As I said, my guard is slipping. And because of that, I have found myself putting more and more trust in Tony. I know I probably should not, but he has always been true to me. My own father would not even come to my rescue in Somalia, yet Tony put his own life on the line.

After we got out of Somalia, I think Tony and I both knew there was nothing we could not get through – together.

Tony and I have shared so much, whether we wanted to or not. I know I do care about Tony, but is that stupid little voice right?

_Do I love him?_

_I never could have known  
This would be,  
Oh you and you alone, yeah  
Are all for me  
I know you're the best  
You've passed every test  
It's almost too good to be true_

When I came to NCIS, I did not expect to meet anyone like Tony. I know I read his profile, but that could not have possibly prepared me for the real thing. Nowhere in my head had I pictured him being like he is.

Somewhere in my mind, I know he is going to be the only man that I truly care for. I may care for other men, but not as much as Tony. He is the only man that sticks around in my darkest moments. Times when other men may have run away, Tony stayed by my side. I know we have our differences, but considering our backgrounds, that is not all that surprising.

It is almost too good to be true with Tony (I do believe I got that one right). Some days I think I will wake up and realize that he was all a dream. No person can possibly be like Tony. I refuse to believe that he is everything he says he is, even after all this time – it is not in my training.

I cannot let him affect me. I must focus on my job. I can think of a million reasons why I should stay away from a man like Tony.

Still, that nagging voice in my head keeps on asking me the same question:

_Do you love him?_

_You're the perfect man for me  
I love you I do_

That voice! I hate that little voice in my head! It is questioning everything I know. Yet, suddenly, I see it has a point.

I have to admit it. Tony is the perfect man for me. He is everything I need and everything I want. I know I can think of a million reasons why I should stay away from him, but I know I can think of another million reasons why I would be stupid to walk away from perfection.

I will answer your question, Voice, and to be truthful, I think I knew the answer all along.

_Yes, I love Anthony Dinozzo.

* * *

_**Alright, you read it...NOW REVIEW IT!!!! Please?**

**Any suggestions...at all? Lemme know. Songs, pairings, doesn't matter.  
**


	6. AUTHOR'S NOTE

**THIS IS AN AUTHOR'S NOTE!**

**Dear readers,**

**I normally would not write author's notes as chapters, but I want all of you to know that I'll be taking a temporary hiatus from this collection. I will be taking requests for stories, but I won't be writing anything on my own – at least not for awhile. I have a lot of other fics that are demanding my attention right now. Thanks for reading this and hopefully understanding.  
**

**Yours in fanfic,**

**EAJP**


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